Ami Amore'

Recently I found myself feeling overwhelmed, saying “yes” to too many things and people, and not honoring my own space and time. It kind of all came to a head the day of a show last weekend when I had a panic attack that lasted pretty much almost 24 hrs. Anxiety set in and my tummy was in knots, my chest was tight and a lump in my throat. I was shaky and completely unsteady on my feet. As soon as the show was over, I felt worse then woke up the next day feeling great honestly. In retrospect, I should have probably canceled doing the show. My body was not happy with me, but I hate backing out of obligations especially when I truly was looking forward to the show.

March is always a difficult month for me. With the anniversary of Anthony’s death, it truly is the Ides of March. Also my allergies have really been awful this year with unpredictable sneezing and coughing and red, itchy eyes. I’m also dealing with some changes in my body that I haven’t yet figured the work around with performing and such.

Which led me to taking a break from performing for a couple months. I had to back out of two shows Amber Adelaide’s Curious Cabaret and Bibi Dazzle’s Velvet Hour. You should absolutely go and support these shows. I’ve been running amuck the past 6 weeks doing several shows and performances but haven’t had the time and space and energy to refine and work with my body as it is now with this knee issue. It’s incredibly frustrating, but it’s also incredibly fixable with some physical therapy and learning how to move in new ways. And it’s about preventative self care. Knowing when enough is enough before reaching the point of physical, emotional and mental burnout.

I felt guilty, at first, for canceling on these amazing shows, feeling bad about myself, etc. However, the producers were not only really fucking cool about it, they actually gave a damn and we’re totally understanding . Yep. And I gave a damn about my mental health and physical health and chose to put that first right now. I am so glad I did and I am so grateful for the community and friends I have.

In the meantime, I have to get ready for my first Oddities and Curiosities Expo in Columbus, OH and Indy – both in April. I am focusing my energy on growing my community on Patreon by continuing to organize hikes, cemetery crawls and monthly challenges. All the while I have implemented a nightly self care ritual for myself (we’ll talk more about that next time). Should you be feeling the need for some self care I am giving you free access to this stress relieving guided breath work video I made after my trip to Peru last fall. I think you’ll find the 4/7/8 breath to be calming as fuck and if nothing else the video footage is refreshing as nature is healing.

Speaking of self care, I am excited to be collaborating with Amber Skye and Daewen of The Stygian Collective this July for a day long mini self care self exploration retreat affectionately entitled “ Unwind”. It’s a day long event featuring movement and self exploration workshops for every body and just 80$ in advance and limited to 10 people. More info forthcoming, here is the registration link in case you want to get in now.

My next performance will be in May 2023 at Show Me Burlesque Saturday night Spectaculaire, I’ll be doing my Seven Devils performance. I hope you can make it out.

xoxox

Ami

Hello loves! I can hardly believe it’s February already! Holy shit! It’s turning out to be a fantastic and busy month already I’m pretty much booked through the end of the month with gigs, classes, hikes, graveyard crawls and making art and jewelry.

I am always humbled and honored by the amount of talent and community here in the StL area and it’s really one of the many things I love about our great city. Thank you to everyone who was at the Bleeding Hearts Ball this past weekend. It really was the event to see and be seen at this past weekend. If you missed it, there won’t be another big show from me til February of next year and this next one is going to blow you away as it will be really involved and that’s all I can say right now without giving too much away. **Wink wink** If you missed it, the RFT came out and took some amazing photos and wrote a really nice review you can all of find those here!

This weekend I find myself in familiar space at Koken Art Factory for Naughti Gras both Friday and Saturday with my familiar, Boo-boo. I’m excited and a little nervous because I have been having knee issues which haven’t been resolved yet, but I’m working on it and started PT this week. Also teaching an intermediate dance workshop Saturday and a hike for Patrons only on Sunday morning.

I know you’re probably thinking – whoa when does this chick sleep!? While my word for 2023 is Hustle….The truth is, I do sleep, every night at least 8 hrs and I get up every morning to have a hot beverage (Deathwish coffee or a matcha latte – no dairy) and I write three things I feel grateful for, three things I value about myself and my to do list for the day. Then, I get to work starting with movement and some aromatherapy and meditation. Everyday I workout, even if it’s just Pilates or a walk. I set aside time for me because in reality, I am everything. That’s why I don’t often go out and why I am pretty particular about who I hang out with and what gigs I’ll take. I also have a nighttime ritual of doing some gentle movement, turning off my phone and TV, facial care including gua sha, applying a lavender based perfume to my temples and neck and laying on my spiky Shakti acupressure mat while listening to a meditation or soothing music. In fact so many facets of life are made into rituals. I’d love to hear some of your rituals to anyone who is reading this.

I’m teaching a beginners Bellydance Bootcamp on Sunday, February 19th 11 am

I have a few slots open for private yoga and dance lessons virtual or in person (only for verified people I know and have met). I also have a few slots open for intuitive card readings virtual or in person. Please send me a PM or email if you want to get on the schedule.

In between all this, I finally started an only fans page because I thought it would be fun and just mother way to express another facet of myself. There’s a link in my show the love page 😉 It’s not really a secret, but it is hard to advertise without Instagram and other sites getting their panties in a bunch!

And for the first time my February offering to you is a 10 min over over yoga blitz video. So grab your mat and do some yoga for fucks sake.

Till next time… hail Satan, drink coffee, do yoga and don’t forget to take some time for yourself because you are everything.

xxxx

Hello friends,

It’s been a while since I’ve made a blog post on here! If you’ re reading this, thanks in advance!

2022 – what a year! Can we get a love and gratitude for that year? Was it challenging? Yes! Was it a year filled with life lessons? Yes! There was so much good about 2022 and a lot of hard times too. But we have to have balance, right?

I am grateful that I got to spend more time with my dad, continue to do the Oddities Expos, traveling to the Grand Canyon and Peru! I’m thankful for my friends, both new ones and old ones and eternally grateful for my health even though my physical body is not as healthy as it has been, but I’m working on it.

I had a lot of wins in 2022, but also some losses and moments I’m not exactly proud of and that’s ok. Not everything can be sunshine and rainbows because then there is no real growth.

In 2023, I’m focusing on making real life connections with people via my Patreon. I’m still developing those user friendly hikes for people who feel intimidated by large group hiking. These hikes are suitable for all levels since I tailor them to fit the people who rsvp. I am also carrying on with my graveyard crawls. We go to local and near local graveyards. I’ll share some tales, some info about the residents and some hot tea. We should also have plenty of time to walk around and take photos or when allowed in warmer months do gravestone rubbings. All my events are leave no trace or leave better than we found it. I have my schedule listed below for those whose interested. Links and location only given out to members in the 10$ and up level.

I’m also going to be putting up more boundaries regarding my time and energy. My time and energy are my most precious and limited resource and are valuable. Eliminating the nouns in my life that do not align with my highest self or have my best interests at heart including a lot of (not all) social media. Social media has always been a useful tool for me, but I need to keep it as a tool, not something I turn to when I want an ego boost.

And finally paying off house and credit debts so I can not have to worry about these trivial financial things in the future. Which by the way, I bought my first house at the end of 2021. I’m thrilled to be a home owner but wasn’t expecting to have to buy a new HVAC system so soon.

I continue to practice gratitude every day. Every fucking day. I give thanks for the experiences and people in my life, the lessons I have learned and opportunities that have come my way. Grateful for my closest friends and family.

So far in 2023, I have 3 new Patreon members, I’m booked for Naughti Gras, I updated my website and am co-leading a women’s adventure retreat in Bali/ Java March 2024! How is that for manifesting?

Feel free to drop me a line – I’d love to hear what you are thankful for or what your goals for the year and ongoing are. Until next time my friends, be kind, be grateful and be your beautiful authentic self.

xoxo,

Ami Amore’

#amiamore #workingartist #stlouis #careerartist

Hello friends! Damn, this year is just flying by! So many changes and yet everything stays the same. Summer is nearly upon us and love is in the air. I know I have been feeling rather wanderlusty lately in my travels and exploration of new places, people and landscapes. So that brings me to what I’m going to talk about today. HIKING! I’m going to talk about my favorite things in regards to hiking, products, trails and more!

Let’s start off with a brief rundown of where you can find me this month and what’s new!

June 19th I’ll be vending in Austin, TX with the Oddities and Curiosities Expo. I love Austin, this will be my third time vending there over the past decade. I’m really hoping they reopened my favorite place called The Snack Bar. I am planning on going to watch the Bats exit the bridge cave down by SoCo Bridge, I hear it is quite the show and you know how much I love my fuzzy bat friends!

Then, I have a week to play in Texas and I am debating between driving to Colorado Bend State Park for some hiking and camping or driving down to Padre Island for some Beach time and beach camping! Either way I know it will be an adventure! Last month was Little Rock and Hot springs and it was quite fun!

Next, I’ll be heading toward New Orleans and hoping to catch up with some of my friends from Stygian Collective before the NOLA Oddities Expo on 6/26. I’m excited to explore and have brunch with my friends Sara and Tim who found us a swanky Air BNB for the time we are there! I may even end up day drinking and dancing in the streets.

I am still active in my Patreon even though I have not actively promoted it lately. I guess I hit a wall and plateaued with the number of people so I am mixing it up a bit. i am still posting weekly yoga and fusion dance videos but in the coming months I will be adding LIVE workshops and once I hit 100 supporters, I’ll host LIVE weekly classes and did I mention these were at NO EXTRA CHARGE for Patreon peeps 10$ and up? YEP. So now is the time 🙂 If you want to get in on the fun sign up here!

Okay – so enough of the shameless self promotion but if I don’t promote myself, who will? After all I am a living, breathing, working artist…

Here’s some rando hiking tips, etc… that keep coming up…

Essentials for hiking:

• Bug hoodie – I know it sounds crazy, but I SWEAR by these after my firend Lauren recommended I get one for our trip to India in 2019. ExOfficio makes bug repellent clothing that is lightweight so even though I am wearing long sleeves, its tolerable in the summer. These hoodies protect against mosquitoes, ticks, chiggers, midges, etc… They last approx 70 washes. Obviously you won’t wash them every time you hike. It’s an investment but worth it. i wore one all summer last year and NOT ONE TICK! No mosquito bites either! Here’s a link to one I got.
• Good shoes! Please do not wear flip flops hiking! Also no crappy sneakers. They offer no ankle support and may be ok for flat hikes, but for real terrain you’ll want to invest in a great pair of hiking boots. Get waterproof boots and something with a grippy sole that won’t be slippery on wet rocks. I currently own 4 pairs of boots. My newest pair Sorel have good grip and are waterproof and close to a barefoot shoe, but they have not been very durable. I can already feel the leather upper start to wear down after only a few months (then again I do tromp through a LOT of mud). I also have a pair of OBOZ which are hella nice, but hella stiff around the ankles, which makes them great for rocky terrain but aren’t super comfortable. I have a pair of Keen which are much more comfortable and a great all around boot. My favorites right now are these Xero shoes hikers. Not only are they waterproof, but they are considered a barefoot shoe which is nice for me especially when I do some scrambling and climbing, they have a nice grippy sole and I can accurately feel how my foot is touching the earth without it touching the earth. I have worn these hiking in India and climbing up Pinnacle Mountain in Little Rock. They are also lightwewight and have plenty of room in the toe box.
• Hiking socks – worth the investment. While a good pair of smart wool socks may set you back 20$ (ouch!) they will last a long time! I STILL have the first pair I bought 15 years ago. I prefer the well cushioned socks and wool dries fast so in the event you get water in your shoes, these socks will dry much faster than a cotton sock. And provide more warmth and cushion than a regular sock.
• A good fitting backpack. My L1 vertebrae has always stuck out so using a cheap back pack for me is not an option. They tend to rub so much so that I can actually get a knot on it if I use a cheap backpack for an extended period of time. I love the Osprey brand backpacks. Again, it’s an investment but if you are going to be doing 10 mile hikes, it is worth considering for many reasons. I have had mine for well over a decade, it has a waterproof rain guard, it came with a 3 liter water bladder that does not leak, unlike the camelbacks I have tried., it is fitted for a woman’s body (they also have men’s too!) and it has a fantastic vented back support system that doesn’t rub my vertebrae and allows the weight to sit on my hips.
• All Trails app! Is handy to have for finding trails and reading reviews on trails.
• Things I keep in my pack at all times: Food, water, baggies or jars for dead things, Little Baphi, a bandanna and banana, flashlight or headlamp, sunscreen, lighter, whistle, leatherman tool. Sometimes I don’t take a pack if it’s going to be less than a few miles. But a few miles for me is normally a drop in the bucket so use your best judgement.

Women who hike alone:

• I always let someone know where I will be hiking and check in when I leave and immediately when I return.
• I carry a knife or a self defense tool (mace or a kitty kat key chain).
• I am aware of my surroundings, I’m not fucking around on my phone (except to take pics of xxx fungal porn) or listening to music with headphones.

My top 10 fave hikes of all time:

1. Tumalo Falls – Bend, Oregon
2. Wahkeena Falls Trail – Portland, Oregon
3. Delicate Arch Trail – Moab, UT
4. Some hike that a tour guide took us on meandering through tea plantations in Kerala, India
5. Bow tie arch – Moab, UT
6. Manitou Incline – Manitou Springs, CO
7. Cumberland Falls – Southeast KY
8. Little Grand Canyon – Southern IL
9. Spruce Flats Falls – Smokey Mountains, TN
10. Pike’s Peak – Devil’s Playground – Colorado

Id love to hear your favorite hikes. I honestly have loved just about every hike I have ever been on so it’s reall hard to narrow down to just 10 hikes. If you have anything to add, please feel free to drop it in the comments! Until next time. xoxoxox

Ami Amore’

Shadow Dance
by
Ami Amore' 2021

Life is fleeting
Emotions are vicious
Snowing and sleeting

A blanket of thick, wet tears fall
Quick, fast and plenty
Like wolves to nature’s call

They accumulate
like a murder of crows
With an appetite to stimulate

An army of them mocking and teasing
All unsuspecting passerby’s
They find this taunting quite pleasing

Thoughts slowly spreading out and creating
An intense network of feelings
Weaving a web in waiting

In a nearby field of desolate mind
Ice crystals form unmatched shapes
A fall from grace left behind

Self mirrored reflection in angry pools
Causing danger and trauma
To unprepared and brazen fools

Take a look closer only if you’re brave
The ice is sharp, secret side is dark
Will you let the pits of your mind enslave
Will your bout with this be your grave
Will you embrace the shadow self you save
Do you dare enter this cave?

Journey to the center of the mind
A never ending horror
The tunnels are haunting and unkind

Feel your way as you go deep
This arduous voyage
Will surface every dark thought you keep.

Stalagmites of memories from below
Crowding, cutting making you bleed
Providing opportunity to grow

A shadowy yet familiar figure appears
Cascading around one another
Dancing with most secret fears

This dark mirror of thy self
We tango in passionate and painful embrace
Continuing eternally liminal delf

Flesh, blood and bone
Mind, body and soul
Ongoing enlightenment to hone

Exhausting and seemingly pointless duty
Integrating our perverse, repressed and chaotic self
To find whole inner complete beauty.

A run on sentence that ran too far 
The waltz of a thousand waltzes
The counting of a million stars

I first heard of shadow work a few years ago listening to a podcast and it piqued my interest. I soon began to read articles and find out as much info as I could on the subject including this book called Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott. How the hell does this relate to my writing and dancing?

Over the course of 20 years I have kept journal after journal. Words, when written with intention, have magickal powers. They have the power to heal, to end, to create. I kept all journals as proof. Everything I have ever wanted and wrote down and day dreamed about, has happened. That’s why the prose above was so important for me to sort my thoughts, my journey with shadowwork.

In the past few years, unconsciously my dance performances have become more spiritual and healing in nature. I have used my performances to reclaim my power, work through my grief, honoring the dead, conquer injury, push through body image and self confidence issues. I could not stop dancing even if I tried to be honest. My body is my most powerful instrument for magick. And incase you didn’t figure it out by now, I am a woman who manifests her own destiny and creates this world she lives in, I am WITCH.

What did I find in the past year of doing this Shadowwork? I found that it’s scary at times, but also not scary at all. I have found acceptance and being honest with myself as the hardest part. Yeah, you’re going to realize there are things you do that you actually delight in and are comfortable to you, but are deemed unsavory by society, etc… the truth is, we all have a dark side. While we may be scared of the dark, maybe there is enlightenment there, comfort, strength. Unearth the fears and insecurities, they really only exist in our own minds.

I dug deep for this performance drawing from my experience with the pandemic in the past year. I did a lot of shadow work. Facing the parts of me that I would rather not see, leaning in to those parts I’d rather no one know about. Shadow work is based on archetype theories of Carl Jung. This piece was written, choreographed and performed by me. The editing was a collab with my dear friend Kasper Bellydance. The music Gripir by Danheim inspired me to create this piece drawing from the prose above I created on a snowy night the past winter.

Enjoy this journey in my mind and soul friends. Thanks for being here!

If you’re interested in a little more info about archetypes and the Shadow, I invite you to google Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist. Jung believed that we are made up of archetypes. I am only going to mention the 4 main archetypes of our personalities, cited from this article:

Persona – How we present ourselves to the world

Shadow – That part of ourselves which we repress. Composed of parts we’d rather not share with the world including, but not limited to- repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings.

The Self – represents the unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. The whole complete personality. Jung believed in order to be the youest you you can be, that we must integrate all aspects including our Shadow.

Anima/Animus – represents the “true self” rather than the image we present to others and serves as the primary source of communication with the collective unconscious.

And should the spirit move you and you want to partake in helping an artist, witch and creative dynamo out, please subscribe to my Patreon for art, yoga, dance and a whole lot more!

Happiest March everyone! For that matter happy 2021 as well! I’ve been more than lax about keeping up on my blog, but with the approach of spring and the promise she brings, I expect that change, at least until next winter! 😉

Please welcome Lunar Fusion…

This is something I have been thinking about for years and am eager to move forward with. My troupe and I have officially decided to change the name of Exotic Rhythms Belly Dance (ERBD) so that the language we use better reflects our perspectives and growth as individuals and a group as a whole. Our troupe is now Lunar Fusion; this is not an ending, but rather an opportunity to grow, shift and metamorphosize like the phases of the moon.

In time, we will be making more changes and fine tuning things (such as our website & media) to follow through and better express the evolution of our troupe and what we stand for. So please stay tuned and in the meantime, feel free to like our new page on Instagram and Facebook to stay up to date on events, classes, community discussions and more.

Meanwhile…over on the Patreon…

January & February I added some performances, a new full length fusion cane choreo, another full length BD A-Z class, a couple dance drills videos, a beginner yoga workshop, more metal yoga, more travel yoga and a delightful chair yoga practice! Plus we had some great zoom crafting sessions online! This month I have some more great yoga videos to share with you al levels from beginner to advanced and varying lengths plus some wonderful dance material including another full length bootcamp, some drill videos and more! In April/May, in honor of Beltane – I’ll have another coloring contest. The winner will receive a headdress!

If you haven’t joined, but have been wanting to – now is great time to do so! Most people don’t know it, but I tape yoga videos when I am out hiking in other places and then I post those here exclusively! Lots of material that people don’t get to see unless they are a subscriber, so join today for as little as 3$ a month.

Knoxville, TN Oddities Expo…

Felt great to be back in the saddle! Making money and being around people I did not know in another city! Knoxville was a success and I even got to get 3 hikes in while I was there and I had Ethiopian food (yum!). I gothome and have been quarantining since, I got drive thru Covid tested 6 days after my return and got a negative – yay! The Expo did a good job making sure everyone wore masks and social distanced it was nice!

Looking forward to the next two I have on the calendar for April 10th in Indy and 17th in Tulsa, same protocols should be implemented. Then I have exactly two weeks to quarantine before the Expo in St. Louis on May 1st.

Until then I won’t be putting a whole lot up on my ETSY except restocks and some new magickal supplies I’m introducing and trying out including some spell jars, sigils and more….

Everyday I’m HUSTLIN’…

A lot of artists and creative entrepreneurs like myself have 50 different side hustles going on at one time to make ends meet, satisfy our creative urges and just because it’s fun. I am starting up a new side hustle for fun and I know you’re going to laugh, but I’m selling feet pics and videos under the moniker Meta.Tart.Soul (ha! get it?!) on Only Fans. I have some real fun ideas for my cute feet and dexterous toes and combining that with my love of the great outdoors and my brand of humor. I know my real friends won’t be judging, so haters get out! I wouldn’t put anything online that I’d be embarrassed if my dad saw or found out (Hi Dad!)

Here’s my links to my Meta.Tart.Soul accounts including OF, IG, Twitter and more.

Upcoming Dance Events…

I am thrilled to be a part of The Stygian Collectives online festival in April called Ascension! Not only will i be performing in the Saturday Gala show, but I will be teaching a doozy of an online arms workshop. I have seriously been having fun with the curriculum for this! I hope you are prepared for challenging yourself in new and exciting ways! Click the link here for registration and complete details!

Ongoing classes…

Right now I’m only teaching one weekly class per week and that’s my 9 years in the running clothing optional yoga class (online ver. 2.0). You won’t find it in the search engines online anymore and now because we are a close-knit group, you must be vetted in by me! Serious nudists and naturists only, no creepers. 10-15$ donation per person payable ahead of time, Zoom link sent out day of. Contact me if you’re interested.

And on that note….

I have several creative endeavors in the works, at least in my mind, trying to find the time, energy and means to carry them out. Including a couple childrens books I want to write and illustrate. An oracle deck I have ideas for. Developing my personal yoga style and brand. My graveyard project (the weather has been way too icky lately). And so much more!

With that all being said, my friends, I bid you farewell for now and hope you may find light and creativity in these times of darkness and uncertainty.

Love,

Ami Amore’

Really, there are no words to express how I feel about 2020 and even if I found them, I am sure you could probably say many of the same things. I came back from UK in March to basically no job due to Covid shut downs and outbreaks. Since then, I moved to Paducah, KY and left Cherokee Street behind for a while so I could take some time for myself and focus on the next chapter of my life.

As is typical with me, I took this as an opportunity to change, adapt and grow. I love change, change to live/ live to change. I’m still doing dance and performance but mostly for me now. Now my path is on my spirituality, health, jewelry, art and some exciting new projects I’ll have in the works for 2021 and beyond (more about those later).

Patreon still going strong

In January 2021, I’ll be celebrating 2 years of my Patreon! I’m planning on doing some special giveaways for Patrons there and maybe some other events. I didn’t realize when I started this how much I wish to create community and a personal experience as well as providing a space for students, friends and fans of mine to learn, create and feel truly rewarded for being a patron.

Exciting plans for 2021 on Patreon include a day in the life (virtually follow me around for a day and see what i do all day everyday), a sneak peek into my graveyard project, discounted online workshops on topics TBA (headdress making, printmaking, painting with acrylic) sword choreography, double sword workshop, The Dope Show choreo, veil workshop, more crafting zoom sessions, more giveaways, more dance classes and yoga sessions.

In December on my Patreon, all members can expect another monthly zoom crafting session on December 12th another early release performance video and help me decide what charity to donate a portion of my monthly Patreon earnings to!

My 10$ and up levels can expect more dance and yoga videos (I have 3-4 dance ones including a full 90 minute bootcamp and weekly metal and more yoga videos!). 20$ and up levels can expect fanmail from me to you to show my appreciation.

My goal for 2021 is to have 100 Patrons or be making 1000$ a month after Patreon takes out their fees. I still have a way to go and sometimes I feel like I’m fighting and uphill battle, but still confident I can make this a reality. While Patrons come and go quickly and others stay for a long time, I appreciate all Patrons immensely.

I hope you will join me on my Patreon. You will find I am pretty consistent and I have a lot more exciting plans in the works for 2021 and beyond. In January, to commemorate 2 years, I’m having a few contests, releasing a full choreography, and another full bootcamp. Plus all the normal benefits of being a Patron! Also right now if you pay ahead for an annual membership, you get a discount of 10% which is like getting a month free and then some! Learn more here

Amorticious on Etsy

September 2020 was an exciting and busy month with the grand opening of my long awaited Etsy Shoppe on the new moon! It was a long time in the making and to be honest, the pandemic was just what I needed to get my ass in gear and get it together.

Currently I do monthly updates coinciding with every new moon. The December update is scheduled for December 14th. I’ll have some restocks, exciting new offerings like fancy ass hair clips and glass encased snake skin jewelry (part of a new line of jewelry I’m slowly developing).

In the coming months, people can expect to find stained glass jewelry on my site as I am teaching myself how to do stained glass. So if you’re looking for a unique last minute holiday or yule gift check out my Etsy shop and take comfort in the fact that you are helping an independent artist.

For the love of dance…

In 2020 I found a rekindled love of dance. I was quite frankly burnt out when the pandemic happened, I had been burnt out for a while. In hindsight, I should have given myself more time away when Anthony died, but I didn’t. I had time to refocus on my own dancing and have used this time to take with other instructors online maybe I couldn’t otherwise take from, connect with some amazing dancers from all over the world including Sweden, UK and South America, develop some new material, rekindle my passion for dancing and developing my craft.

Right now, I am teaching a Monday nights dance class called Manic Mondays that runs through Dec.21st and is available for replay later. This is taught through my friend Shyama who has an online studio and group I belong to called The Stygian Collective. Honestly being a part of that group has been a real blessing for me, I have been enjoying the online community of it all and the online shows I’ve performed in and especially the online festival called the Descent that I got to teach at. I felt pretty lost after the pandemic hit, but I am finding my way and making new friends! Shyama does a good job at making sure that the online things really are the next best thing to being in person!

Check out the next show I’ll be in on December 31st produced by two sirens I know Lisa and Liz, performing a special dedication piece. The Midnight Frolic I hope to virtually see you there!

More on a personal note…

I have a mere 10 hikes left to complete the 52 hike challenge. Can I do it? We’ll see. It’s been an interesting collection of fungal porn, fighting a tired back, getting lost and random meetings with deer in the woods.

I started lifting weights again and can really see a difference in my arms! I’ve been surely regaining strength in my back and doing daily yoga practice helps keep my back limber and lessens the appearance of that T12 that wants to stick out.

In 2021, I have a new project in the works I’m calling the graveyard project until I can find something more clever to call it. I don’t want to say much about it just yet, but you know me and I will make a big blah blah post when I get it figured out and get the ball rolling.

Hoping for more traveling in 2021 with business and personal, but also not holding my breath. Right now Amorticious is scheduled to vend in 13 cities including in no particular order: St. Louis, Nola, Chicago, Indy, KC, Knoxville, Richmond, Tampa, Portland, Denver, Little Rock, Columbus and Austin. If 2021 doesn’t happen, I’ll try again in 2022. Hoping to go to Thailand or Bali in late 2021 or early 2022.

That’s all I have time for this month folks, so stay tuned for the next monthly post around January 1st. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. Please stay warm, stay safe and try not to isolate too much. Even the online zoom visits or a phone call can do wonders for morale and mental health.

xoxo,

Ami Amore’

Hey friends! Ami Amore here and I want to take a moment to talk about something I am really excited to be involved in right now with some like-minded friends.

It’s a stunning, must see variety show of Four Queens. This is no ordinary experience. Four talented women embody the four Queens of the Tarot taking you, the audience, on a spiritual journey leaving you feel empowered and invigorated with the essence of feminine badassery.

“This is a stunning, must-see variety show featuring mediumship, burlesque, bellydance, and circus arts. All woven together by the theme of the Divine Feminine.

As it is represented in the four suits of the tarot… We begin with Pentacles, separating the mystical veil between the living and the dead. Then moving through the suits with Swords, representing strength and power. Cups, the purity of compassion and empathy. Finally, we end with Wands, the fire of passion and sensuality.

This dazzling show will leave audiences breathless, feeling empowered and touched by the sacred feminine.”

Please join us for our first show debuting in our town of St. Louis. MO on Saturday, February 29th at the Monocle, 4-6pm. Tickets are 20$ (+ .91 in fees) in advance and 30$ at the door. Please see the Facebook event page here and be sure to tell all your friends. Buy your tickets on this page here because seating is limited and it will be sure to sell out ahead of time.

5 weeks ago today, I got up early and made my way to a Portland, Oregon climbing gym for a morning of climbing before a day out with Stacey.

Little did I know that I would fall while bouldering and end up taking an ambulance ride to the hospital. Bouldering, for those who don’t know, is where you climb with no harness, but you don’t go up very high (at least not in a gym), typically having a thick mat underneath to help if you fall.

Well, I’m not sure where I was mentally, but it felt like I was having an out of body experience at that moment in time. The last thing I remember is feeling confident about my right foot going on a hold and my foot slipping and the force of my foot going towards the hood with surety and falling with not enough time to completely curl and land the right way. The result? Me thinking Oh Fuck…. and yelping as I fell to the ground. I heard something in my body thud and knew it wasn’t going to be good. People from the gym came and helped me stay still and ambulance was called. I barely was able to get on the stretcher when the EMS arrived.

I wasn’t scared, but instead I wondered what plan the Universe had in store for me with this. I never was a fan of bouldering to be honest. We arrived at the hospital and I was heavily medicated and immediately taken to a room in the ER. I remember wondering what plan the Universe had for me with all this. 

What

Does

It

All

Mean?

I used some deep breathing and visualization techniques and sent the breath and healing energy to my back where I knew I had been hurt. I asked for Anthony to help me in anyway he could and to not leave me. I lay on my side in pain feeling my tears run down the crevices of my face. I was so thankful this didn’t happen with no one around. I’m not sure if my back or ego was hurt worse. Ok, it was definitely my back, I started giving up on ego long ago. Also, when you have a nurse stick a suppository up your ass because you haven’t pooped in 5 days … you let go that ego.

Eventually found out I got a compression or “burst” fracture to my L1. The neurosurgeon was concerned because my L1 was pushed closer to my spinal cord and he was afraid it would migrate once I tried to walk. With that being said I spent the next three days in the hospital doped up on opiates, taking Xrays and trying to just walk, use the bathroom and be minimally mobile.

At one point, I had Stacey bring me my banana costume (it was close to Halloween, after all) and I walked down the hospital hallways with my red walker ) affectionately dubbed “Big Red”  entertaining the hospital staff with quips like…”hey am I funny or am I just high!?” Or “Don’t mind me, I’m your friendly, neighborhood banana… ”

Laughter truly is the best medicine.

I was fortunate enough to have dear friends come and visit me in the hospital. One was an ERBD member, Chelsea and the other was my friend, Tom whom I had not seen in 20 years!!!! So much gratitude, also Chelsea brought me some voodoo donuts including one that was a huge penis with balls!!! I wish I had taken a picture but it got devoured… And of course for my dear friend Stacey, who drove my ass home and brought me stuff as I needed it at the hospital xoxoxo

I got released on Sunday and Monday morning Stacey and I made the long trek home 3- ten hour days in the car, padded by pillows and doped up. I had to use a walker when I’d walk and sitting or pulling down my pants to use the bathroom was excruciating. So, I wore the same dress three days in a row, Stacey calls it my broke back mountain dress, hahah. I managed to give myself a shower every night we stopped and I dressed myself too. My mind is too strong to allow myself to be a victim.

Within these 5 weeks, I have made HUGE improvements. I am now running at 80%, I have religiously gone to physical therapy and done every kind of movement I am allowed to do. I got cleared to go to the gym last week and do very light weights, so I have been going every damn day. I have also been teaching since I got back, even if I had dancers to demo the moves while I talk through it and correct students. I don’t take muscle relaxers and I immediately took myself off the oxy as soon as I got back.

It’s been a humbling experience for me to be injured. I don’t have my normal abundance of energy for much of anything. It took everything in me just to put on Urban Cabaret a couple weeks ago, which was a huge success by the way. I’ve also been feeling the change of the seasons, both literally and figuratively. Grief has been keeping me warm a lot of nights and last week I just finally slept a full night. I am confident I will make a full recovery.

Why am I sharing this? I’m not sure, I don’t want sympathy or anyone to ask me if I am ok or do I need anything. I am good and I have everything I need. Maybe someone needs to hear this or maybe they don’t. Maybe I’m just rambling into the darkness and getting this off my chest because people have been wondering. It’s been a lesson in kindness to myself. A lesson in patience. A lesson in keeping a positive mindset and perspective. A road paved with determination and mental strength. Keep on moving forward. Evolving into this new version of myself that I become every day.

I leave for India on Tuesday morning to go on a spiritual pilgrimage with my dear friend, Lauren. We’re visiting Dehli, Agra, Jaipur, Kerala, Goa and Mumbai. I’ll be gone for 1 month. It was a concern with the fall, but there was no way I was not going to go. I bought the best backpack and it feels great, sitting the weight only on my hips. I am also packing super light, minimal makeup, toiletries and clothing. I’m not scared or worried. I am excited and open to the possibilities.

Why India? I just have always wanted to go to India since I was a small child. Much in the same way I always knew i wanted to be a bellydancer.

Speaking of bellydance, I just updated my class schedule for 2020. I have some exciting classes bellydance and metal yoga in store for the new year so check them out!

SO… back to this trip I just took.

The trip started out as what was supposed to be a three week journey across the US, but became something much more meaningful as I reflecting back on it now.

In those three weeks, I did so much, connected with so many people in ways I never have. Authentic human connection, my friends. Again I ask…What Does It All Mean? Stay tuned to find out and hear about my adventures friends… to be continued soon…

So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve done an update on my life, career and grief journey. A lot has happened since the last update. In June, I went almost full tilt back into life. Performing, teaching weekly classes, doing art, developing new hobbies like archery and climbing, etc… It felt really good to get back to a feeling of normalcy. A routine, some sense of stability.

Honestly, it was too soon. I took on to much. I’ve had to clear my plate to make time and room for creativity to flow and more importantly keep space for my self care. I have a hard head and it’s nearly impossible for me to admit when I need help or I just can’t do something or to say ‘NO’ to someone. I hate to disappoint, but to be frank, life can be full of disappointment at times. It’s not a negative thing unless you want to look at it that way. I see it as this… If everything went exactly as planned every time, life would get boring, we would stopped being challenged in our coping and quick thinking skills, etc… My biggest disappointment was losing Anthony. But out of that came my greatest triumph thus far.

Out of this, I have worked real hard on not just picking myself up out of the darkest pits of my mind, but spreading my wings and working to reach soaring heights as a human with my personal growth and development. I’ve decided to put aside my ego as much as I can, when I can and embrace my fears. Walk up to insecurity, uncertainly see them, acknowledge them and give them a great big bear hug, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel at first. The best things in life are never easy or comfortable. And I think you all know by now that I seldom find my truth or happiness in comfort or complacency. Now that’s not to say that I am going to go and give up my bed, my coffee and delicious fur rugs, but I would halt a relationship that’s not healthy even if it does seem easier to keep it going for sake of having to end it. This. Is. Part. Of. Self Care.

I’ve tested my limits this year on many levels. I didn’t turn to drugs and alcohol (for more than a week) to numb the pain of losing Anthony. Instead, after the initial few weeks passed I stopped taking Benzos and I slowly started looking at my grief. I looked as grief as if it were my conservative right wing grandmother who was generally unpleasant to me (another story for another time) and I was inviting her to a tea party. I wanted to feel it, every ounce of that pain, longing and anger. I soaked it up like a sponge, I let it consume me at times. The truth is, the grief never ends, but it also becomes part of you, something you can carry and a visitor that comes at unexpected times. Once you’ve experienced intense grief and trauma, it changes you. The truth is most times though you have a choice. I could have chose to drink and pop pills or do away with myself and truthfully, that was in the darkest pits of my mind. But I didn’t. I chose to keep going.

Just. One. More. Day.

Then one day, I had a sunnier outlook, I felt lighter. no the grief was not gone, it was something that had become a part of me, something I had learned and grew from. Something that I had channeled into my art and dancing, I channeled it into my human relationships. I credit my whirlwind trip to Santa Fe and back a few months ago as a huge part of my healing process.

Since then, I’ve drove to Virginia. It was an amazing experience, I made new connections with amazing humans and saw new things, went skydiving and roller skating neither of which I had done before. It was a beautiful part of the country and really, just what I needed to get me prepared for my many travels this fall. I had so many fun and random experiences. I have found the most fun to be in randomness and absurdity.

I have learned that I can love again, I can find beauty in the pain and “ugliness” of life. I’m dating someone and after much ado, I have learned to not feel guilty about it or feel like I am betraying Anthony. My seeing someone doesn’t make me miss him any less or demean my love for him in the least. In the throes of grief it seems impossible to go on from day to day, much less the thought of being with someone else. But it’s all about mindset and again learning to sit with and carry that grief. And these feelings surprised me to be quite honest. After three months of lighting candles every single night and bawling every day, I was not expecting love to come knocking so soon. But it did and I am glad. Not only do I have room for my love for Anthony, but I have room for this person also. My love (and kindness and forgiveness) really knows no bounds, I have for many and it’s only finite if I put limitations on it. Do I still feel grief and get sad and wish this hadn’t happened, of course. Am I looking for a replacement? Absolutely not.

Love truly is infinite. People put limitations on it all the time by saying things like I only love so and so, etc… but really if you open your mind and see, love is energy it ebbs and flows. Love is love and it can be infinite if you want it to be.

Another exciting thing with the journey of grief is “grief brain”. This is a real thing. You’ve experienced a traumatic event and your mind is doing the best it can to make sense of things. So my normally organized and well put together self will brain fart frequently. I will be explaining something in the middle of class and my brain just overheats. Things like messing up video from my shows because I’m just not functioning properly. Stuff I have taught a million times, now takes me longer to prepare and execute due to grief brain. Now I am not blaming my normal ADDness on the grief brain, I have always been a little all over the place with creative ADD and, “OOO look! Shiny thing! Squirrel!” But this is 10 times worse than that. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s embarrassing and most of the time it’s downright frustrating. Sometimes it’s saddening when I have flashbacks from the night of the murder in the middle of class, etc. I have to remember to be patient with myself and just breathe, which can be hard and is one of the lessons in this life I am working on every damn day. I am just thankful for everyone who is hanging in there with me when I do things like leave my purse on the roof of my car or fill a vase with coffee instead of water.

With all that being said I’m still forging ahead. I’m teaching a few temporarily private classes a week, still doing Cats n Mats at Tenth Life. I’ve slowly started adding bootcamps back in. I’m still adding new content to my Patreon slowly but surely. I’m also doing monthly giveaways of art and headdresses and jewelry. Here’s the link to my Patreon if you should be so inclined to support. The videos aren’t the best right now but I’m hoping to be able to hire someone to help me edit them www.patreon.com/amiamore

So with all that being said here is my schedule for this fall:

August – October 2019

August 31st – Kansas City Oddities and Curiosties Expo – vending as Amorticious

September 13th – Transcendence – The Art of Ami Amore’ and Anthony Sapone – 6-10pm at Mad Art Gallery – I’ll have new art, shadow boxes, performances, jewelry and more, it’s going to be a multi media spectacular honoring love, life and death. Honoring my beloved Anthony Sapone.

September 19th – Meat & Potatoes Fusion Bellydance workshop in New Orleans

September 21st – New Orleans Oddities and Curiosities Expo – Vending as Amorticious

September 25th – For Quidam – A benefit at the Crack Fox

September 29th – Ami Amore’s Bellydance Bootcamp – at Amorticious

October 5th – Denver Oddities and Curiosities Expo – vending as Amorticious

October 12th – Show in Salt Lake City – TBA

October 13th – Workshop in Salt Lake City – TBA

October 19th – Portland Oddities and Curiosities Expo – vending as Amorticious

October 19th – Nightmare on Yelm Street 2019 – performance

October 20th – All About Layers! Bellydance workshop in Tacoma Washington sponsored by Tacoma Dance

October 28th – Ami Amore’s Bellydance Bootcamp at Amorticious